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    The Guys' Rule

    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men ARE not mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
    or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    Re: The Guys' Rule

    lol

    Re: The Guys' Rule

    excellent I approve this message

    Re: The Guys' Rule

    Very funny

    Re: The Guys' Rule



    I'm gonna print it and fax it to my girlfriend, so she can glue it on her fridge's door.

    Emails don't last, the fridge will. Thanks a lot

    Re: The Guys' Rule

    I thought Frau fritz would like this post, so I printed it out for her.



    PS: Have you noticed how cold a leather couch can feel when your heating system switches down to the night setting on a cold winter night?

    Re: The Guys' Rule

    found some more!!


    International Rules of Manhood

    1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

    2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    c. After wrecking your boss' car.
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    e. When she is using her teeth.

    3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
    killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
    out of jail within 12 hours.

    5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

    6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
    forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
    another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
    strictly optional.

    8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
    the weakest.

    9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
    ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
    playing.

    10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
    her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
    of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
    you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
    supermodel... And it's free.

    12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
    to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
    anything.

    16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
    spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
    drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
    remain sober enough to fight.

    18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
    about his choice of beer.

    20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
    yours, except if she's withholding ###### pending your response.

    21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
    weights:

    a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
    footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
    situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
    need.

    23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
    than you are able to have ###### with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary.

    24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
    have carnal drunken monkey ######, the fact that you're feeling weird and
    guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
    discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
    for her to drive yours.

    26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
    green, orange or sky blue.

    27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
    Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
    Xbox. End of story.

    28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
    Gymnastics. Ever.

     
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